Liquored & Laquered

Freaky Friday and Euro-Urinals

The Best Redneck Way to Deal with Tele-Marketers

Six Phases of WORK

Phase 1


You are listening to jazz -- Your first day at work is great. Your coworkers are wonderful, your cubicle is cute, and your boss is the best!


Phase 2

You are listening to pop music -- After a while you are so busy that you are not sure if you're coming or going anymore.


Phase 3

You are listening to heavy metal -- This is what you feel like at month end.


Phase 4

You are listening to hip hop -- You become bloated due to stress, feel sluggish and suffer from constipation. Your coworkers are too cheerful for your liking and the walls of your cubicle are closing in. You have started thinking 'WHATEVER' about your boss.


Phase 5

You are listening to GANGSTA RAP. After more time passes, your eyes start to twitch, you forget what a 'good hair day' feels like as you just fall out of bed and load up on caffeine.


Phase 6

You are listening to the voices in your head -- You have build a makeshift door on your cubicle to keep people out, You have a dartboard with your bosses picture on it in your cube, You wonder why you are even here in the first place.

I'm Baaaack...

A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform
the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made contact, "Connie....Connie"
"Is that you, Joe?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course,
then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night.
I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."
"Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!"
"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."

RRM/

Larry's Funeral... a WHOPPER...

Larry died. His Will set aside $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the cemetery, his wife Sarah turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Well, I'm sure Larry would have been pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this funeral really cost?"

"All of it," said Sarah. "Forty thousand..."

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?"

Sarah answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The whiskey, wine and food cost another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Jody computed quickly, "$34,500 for a memorial stone? My goodness, how big is it?"

"Four and a half carats."

/RRM

?????????

I don't even know how to begin.... so I will just let that picture speak for itself...

RRM/